it's like everything that brings me happiness, is taken away from me these weeks. f.ex.carlas has cancelled their gig tonight. a gig i've been looking so much forward to for such a long time....the only highlight for weeks. gone. and how pathetic it may sound...now not even beverly hills can keep the tears away from my face.

disintegration might be the right word to use in this connection.

and i don't even have the time for all these thoughts and blackness....i have a god damn examination in a couple of hours! can't focus.

this is going to be such a fatal weekend...