i hate it when people lie. i almost always see through them when they do. then i lie to myself just to keep my spirit high. and feel loved. i'm naive. i know. but how else could i keep living?!

this evening taught me (yet again) why i don't throw parties. people either get bored and leave or they behave in ways i don't like. and then i yell. and then they also leave. and now i sit here all alone. and i'm not going to sleep before i have all this mess under control. and they better not return. they have no reason. they don't care anyway.

all i wanted was a cosy calm evening with close people i care about. getting drunk. look where i got. sadness.

no more lies please. i beg you.