i mentioned in my last entry that my life was a living hell. well actually i don't have much to complain about 'cause i've come to think further about that thing called pain or heartache... i have come to the conclusion that the greatest pain a human ever can live through, must be when "the love of your life" dies. with "the love of your life" i mean the one you may have lived with for decades. the reason why i use quotation marks, is because i'm not yet sure that i believe in this "love of your life"-thing. but that's a different story. the thing that made me realize that maybe my life isn't a living hell after all, was the video to the cover version of nine inch nails' "hurt" by johnny cash. it really touched me.

so my conclusion to this may be that maybe my life isn't exactly a living hell although it hurts now and then and disturb my appetite and all that. but really i have nothing to complain about. i'm sure that i'd be better off "a love in my life" anyway...

i've been slightly better the last couple of days. my appetite is still fucked up, but it's easier for me to smile sincerely again. and it's actually pretty nice. i try to enjoy it and keep it that way and restructure certain things in my life...as for example try to stay offline for the most of the day and so... i did it yesterday and today and i can already feel the improvement in how good i am being all alone doing cosy things and so.