i feel like we're about to grow away from each other. i'm so exhausted from using every little god damn move to let you know that i'm still here and i would love to spent some time with you. just like in the good old days. i'm about to give up. 'cause i've been here before. years ago... it hurts like hell. but it feels like i'm better prepared this time. i recognize all the signs. please tell me it's just a bad dream...

- r.

i try not to think too much about it all, these days and just avoid the internet and do a lot of boring stuff instead. as writing assignments, cleaning my apartment and so on. today i feel like going downtown to buy a record or something. but it could've been lovely to have some company in this lovely weather and go to a caf� and have some hot chocolate or something. but it doesn't seem like it's possible. so i'm staying at home trying to get started with all these assignments. oh.. and when i say that i'm taking a break from the internet i primary mean myspace. that page still makes me sick from time to time. so i'm trying to stay away as much as possible. so if you're used to follow this diary through my blog at myspace....you'll have to follow this diary manually from now on and probably in a little while....can't say if i'm going back to the blog thing again. but not for now.