my cousin mentioned to me last night of how temperamental i was as a kid. it made me wonder...where did it go?! my wildly days of explosive moods, sometimes even coming out of the blue, where did they go?! one of my theories is that it helped when i started to accept my younger brother's existence. which took me a couple of years. i guess i was a very spoiled (and still is) child exploding when i didn't get my will.

the only thing i can think of mostly waking up my temper in my teens was when my dad started commenting on me or something in my life.
i remember hating when he started rambling about things he thought he knew better (though he sometimes actually did know better). i've often been playing with fire when he and i have had a fight (and we've had a lot!!). it's difficult when you get so angry and you just don't know what to do with yourself and you go ahead doing all the things you shouldn't do in such situations. i often ran through the house slamming doors, screaming at the top of my lungs and shaking all over my body with anger. our fights often was about my overweight and laziness in my early teens...i remember once when he wanted to see how much i weighed (my friend was with me while this was happening) where he dragged me all the way down our basement stairs when i refused going with him...it was quite violent (my friend was stunned!). it was the same fight where he called me a tractor deck i think. it made me sad. there was also another fight where he took all the power in the house so i couldn't turn on my computer, television nor my stereo so i could ignore him... so when i put on my disc-man he kicked me (not literally) out of the house telling me not to come back until i had been bicycling for at least an hour. i remember clearly racing through this forest listening to muse, yelling inside my self. i ended up breaking my (at that time) fairly new bicycle.

hmm..so...do i still have this temper as she mentioned ?! well...yeah...in some ways i assume. i guess i'm just better at keeping it to myself these days or maybe it's waiting just around the corner waiting to explode?