spring has arrived for real. the sun has been shining for days now and people are in a lovely mood. my mood is going up and down though...

C and i threw a party last saturday. i got very drunk. and it was a cosy party and the few of my friends who actually turned up were very lovely. i thank them for showing up (you know who you are). but still i woke up the next day feeling very ambivalent about it all...on the one side i was very happy about the friends who had turned up...but on the other side i was very disappointed at the ones who didn't...and especially the ones who didn't even care to give me an excuse to stay away....

this mood have followed me like a shadow ever since and it still haunts me a bit. 'cause although it may be a little childish to dump friends over a little party...it still kind of tells you who your real friends are. and then it hurts inside of me to think of... actually i've had a headache since sunday because of it. it's the thoughts about how i should make these kind of non-friends aware of my disappointment, or whether i should just shut up and forget them for a while to see if they should show up at some point and either continue the friendship as nothing ever happened...or bring me an apology and then maybe continue the friendship...

i don't know. maybe it really is time to clean up in my friend-zone and kick the ones out that doesn't deserves to be there...or maybe i should just wait and see what time will tell...

i went to see Murder + Hymns From Nineveh sunday evening by the way...and it was nice to see J being so thankful to be up there at the stage singing and playing to all of us. i'm so glad that i'm working with him.
it was a beautiful concert!